Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Second Visit

The Second Visit... not as in an increment of time... but like right after the first. ;) Now ladies, After the first visit, believe it or not, there just might be a second! If, after the first visit, you and your dad scratched him off whatever “list” you may have, thrown the scratched-off name in the fire, and maybe changed your telephone number and moved across the country,.. there just might not be a second visit. However, if the visit involved the young man making your younger siblings laff, and your mother pleased at how he wiped his feet when he came in and liked her cooking so well, and your dad talking for the next two days about how he'd love to go hunting or fishing with the guy... and you can't remember the last time you were so happy... There juuust might be a second visit. So be prepared. And gentlemen, when you know a second visit is imminent and you need to start thinking up another setting or arrangement to be with the girl and her family... But it feels like you are playing a card game in which every time you receive a new card it is white with no figures.. or in other words, you are drawing a blank... Here are a few ideas, tips, and pointers to get you started.AFTER gaining approval of your parents, especially your mother the cook, invite the girl and her family over for a meal. Just... Remind your little siblings that this is NOT a time to play with whoopie cushions. Or pile snow on unsuspecting victims' seats.You might like to offer help with fixing her family's car mechanical problems, but for Mr. Green's sake, don't make it the main focus of a formal visit!! I don't know a huge amount of girls who would find it particularly enticing to lie on her back under the car for half the visit, holding a piece in place while you go search for a tool you need. And if you crawl under and lie under there with her, she might freak out and try to sit up only to hit her head on the underside of the car and go unconscious. Even though it'll give you an excuse to bring her flowers while she's in the hospital, just trust me on this one. Clothes shopping? Don't even think about it. Go to an amusement park with her family. Insist that some of you (including her) go on the scariest roller coaster in the park. Then you can act as her hero who sits there and doesn't get scared and hand her mints to suck on so she won't scream. And perhaps, a blindfold. Of course, if you find yourself screaming and you've run out of mints, assure her it was just to make her feel that she wasn't the only one who likes to take the opportunity to exercise her vocal chords at extremely high pitches. The obvious: Find out what type of thing the lady and her family likes to do. And see when you can join in. Really, how bad can going to the opera be? (As I heard one gentleman say once in response to someone who thought it was boring, “Try singing along! Believe me, that makes it real interesting”) Wear a tie. Like, all the time. Don't worry about a collared shirt or anything besides, just so you're wearing the tie. It'll impress her to see how you strive to be sooo professional around her all the time. If you visit a chocolate factory with her family, believe me, “accidentally” falling into a large container of chocolate isn't the idea. It won't make her think you're the sweetest thing ever. (especially if you fall into the chocolate before it's been sweetened)

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm... are you sure scary rides are such a good idea? I mean, the poor girl might suddenly have an impulse to throw her arms around the young man in sheer terror...and then where would we be?! What scandals begin on the first plunge of a roller coaster....

    No, I think they'd better stick to the carousel. There the young man can be the hero riding along side her on a mighty steed, ready at a moments notice to keep her from plunging to her death and being trampled by the herd of wild animals racing after her.