Friday, February 18, 2011

Are you in L-O-V-E?

For each of these that you have done add one

  • made reference to the person you may be in love with more than 5 times in a conversation
  • put said person in your status, more than once
  • set picture of said person as your cell phone or desktop background
  • written about said person in your journal/diary
  • been exceedingly happy when said person comes online
  • decided that said person's hair type/color is your favorite
  • have an endearing nickname for said person
  • think said person is cute
  • doubled the sugar in a recipe because life was sweet and you weren't paying attention
  • you assume that said person's name sounds good with your last name
  • if they are in your profile picture
Take away one if you have done any of these

  • Told the person to marry somebody else
  • Told the person that you view them as a brother/sister - take away two if you did not use the gender appropriate term (i.e. telling her you view her as a brother)
  • sent them unsigned Valentine's
  • referred to them negatively in a status
  • made references to them being a barnyard animal
  • said that you tripped them so that they would fall for you
Scoring is.... add in the first half, subtract in the second, multiply by ten. Then it's like a CLEP... if you got 50 or higher you are in love.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Talking to the Girl

Gentle young man,

Congratulations! You have passed that first, major step in pursuing who might be the girl of your dreams... Approaching any dad about his daughter is definitely more nerve-racking than anything you have ever done (unless you have approached a dad about his daughter before) in your life. I don't care if you've been stranded on an island in the Gulf of Mexico with nothing but a very large shirt, a spork and a very rough large man who seems to think you look like a pork roast, this is worse.

But let me tell you... It only gets worse! NEXT you have to approach the girl!
As soon as you have caught your breath and are sitting down, read the next sentence, but NOT before.
You will not only have to approach her, but you will also have to talk to her. And (ready?) you will want to have her like you. Now if you have followed the instructions in the previous chapter, the girl will have no idea whatsoever that you like her. Unless the dad told her.

Now I know that as a male, you are pretty much fearless. The “island” scenario I gave in the first paragraph probably actually sounded like fun to you. But... If there's anything that can make you nervous, this will. I did imply that this is scary. It will definitely be more scary/nerve-racking for some males than others. But so many things depend on your approaching the girl, how you do it, and how she'll respond.
Let's go through a list of what to and what not to do that first time you approach her. Of course, things will vary depending on the girl and your general style, but generally, these rules hold very true.

Do NOT...

...Bring a dozen roses along next time you know you'll see her at church, and when you give them to her, say “here, Honey..” I promise you, that won't exactly thrill her... at least in the sense you want.

...Call her or even stop by at 5:30 in the morning. Even though that's at least a full 1/2-1 hour after you get up, she just might not appreciate it.

…Invite her to your house to eat sandwiches over the sink with you while you talk.


...Ask her dad when you talk to him when the best time to talk to her would be.

…Dress according to the impression you want to make, and according to the situation. Generally, meeting at a costume party and dressing as a pimple will NOT create the type of impression you want. It won't compel her to squeeze you.

Now for a little pop quiz to test your knowledge. No worries, this will be easy and multiple-choice...

1. If you already know the girl you are pursuing pretty well, when approaching her, you will want to...

(A) Walk up and introduce yourself and ask her what her name is
(B) Speak in an eloquent British-like accent to sound distinguished and romantic and all that goods stuff.
(C)Approach her in a friendly (but not TOO friendly), nonthreatening, unobtrusive manner and begin with light conversation.
(D) Walk over to her, bump her with your elbow and say “Hey, Kid.”

Seeing as I have bothered you with multiple-choices, I shall refrain from imposing multiple questions.

While researching for this chapter, I received and implemented a suggestion from my co-author here: to obtain the views of some of our male friends (YES we have male friendS... emphases on the “S” in friends deliberate). I received a few responses...
The first responder reminded me that males fear nothing.
The second responder inquired whether or not I was attempting to gain personal information from him.
The third responder shared with me his fears that the girl and dad would be goblins who would want to eat him.
After my co-author helped me overcome my fear of the fourth responder and I asked him, he let me know that he would be just nervous. We then commenced in discussing the naming of a mutual friend's turkeys.

So I didn't learn what I thought I would learn, but I certainly did learn something!

Some other ideas shared with me by my co-author:

1). Give her time to fully acclimate to the situation... don't force a decision right away

2). Don't just ask her... make it memorable such as writing a letter that arrives in a bouquet of flowers
or giving her the rest of the bag of potato chips with a note in there asking her

3). Either ask in person or put a really cute picture of you in there... you never know what might be that little thing that makes her say yes.

So overall, my friend, just follow these directions, and you will be on your way to your own successful courtship, faster, for less, for sure!