Thursday, January 20, 2011

How to Get Past the Shotgun

Every conservative guy knows that before you can win the girl’s heart, you have to win the Dad’s heart.

So first of all, you are going to have to know how to get past the shotgun. There are a couple rules for this.

● If the bodies of previous suitors are still on the porch, DO NOT TRIP OVER THEM. This shows weakness. If you can’t even get to the door without tripping how will you ever take care of his girl?

●DON’T talk to the girl beforehand. That is considered fraternizing with the enemy and is never a smart move. If she catches wind of it you might be facing two shot guns and be sure… no cookies.

●If you don’t know how to locate the girl’s Dad, you are going to have to stalk. Every Father deep down inside wants a Son-In-Law that can stalk. Under no circumstances should you let on to the girl that you are interested.

●Go to the Father. Don’t try to talk about it on the phone. If you aren’t willing to face the shot gun then you are clearly a wimp and not worthy of his daughter. Go whatever distance is necessary and meet the Dad face to face. Even if that means flying to Antartica.

So now that you are well informed on how to approach the Dad. Let’s go over the fundamental “Dad Facts”.

1). Dad’s Like Guys Like You

Yes, deep down inside they really like you. Why? Because clearly if you are wanting to pursue their daughter you have excellent taste! You want the best for your wife and who couldn’t admire that.

2). Dad Doesn’t Really Load His Shotgun

Think about it, ammunition is expensive and since you wouldn’t taste good on a BBQ, he’ll likely save his ammunition for deer or bears or something far more worthy of his ammunition

3). Dad’s Don’t Want To Lose Their Cookie Baker

With that in mind you should try negotiation. Tell him about how you’ve already arranged for cookies to be shipped in. Also assure him that you’ll do your best to have daughters right away that can also help with baking and shipping out cookies. This also applies to other aspects that the particular Dad feels like he may be losing when you take his favorite daughter off into the wild blue yonder.

Bonus Information – How to make girls think you aren’t talking to her Dad

○ Start referring to her as "sister". All girls know that when you start calling her your sister it’s over. You are totally not interested.

○ Never comment on or like anything that she has to say on any social networking site. Whether it’s Buzz or Facebook, make sure to completely ignore her. Unless you want to call her sister in the comment.

○ Never initiate anything. Don’t be the first to call, write an email, or anything. If she’s going to get something from you make sure it wasn’t easy and that you never would have emailed her if she hadn’t emailed first.


  1. What if she doesn't have a sister? Just wondering.

  2. Sorry, I meant referring to her as sister. Just like you call me "Your Counselor".

  3. Ah gotcha! Thanks for clarifying :-)

  4. Leah, Esther... one question...


    O__o I'd buy it...