Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Finding Out Her Ring Size

This particular chapter is for the guys.
There comes a time in each young man's life where he is faced with the impending danger of picking the wrong ring size. You see if he buys it too small, he won't be able to get it on her finger. If he buys it too big, he'll be basically implying that she has fat fingers and she won't want to hold hands with him because she'll feel all awkward about her fat fingers. Basically, you can't screw this one up!
So here are my humble suggestions on how to deal with this very difficult subjects:
  • Create a fake letter from the DMV that says that her driver's license will be revoked if she doesn't immediately fill out the paper work - giving her ring size and pictures of her two favorite ring styles. Have it sent to your Grandmother's step son's second cousin twice removed's dog.
  • Set a bounty on her ring size. Create wanted posters and set them around the Church. "WANTED: ________'s Ring Size. The first person to provide positive identifying evidence will be awarded a month's worth of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets."
  • Get her on the trivia. Tell her that you heard that people's ring size is normally the same as their shoe size. She'll either admit it or deny it. Either way, you may get a clue.